Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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