I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
