i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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