Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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