At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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