when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I look excited, but its just a facade.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
