I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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