why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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