Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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