I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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