I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
