He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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