So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
