So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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