i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
