I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize