We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
