Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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