and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
