This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
