I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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