On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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