I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
