At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
