I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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