Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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