Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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