so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
