We named our party play list daddy issues
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
