His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
