Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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