According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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