She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
