If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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