Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
