And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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