On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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