I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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