Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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