I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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