He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
