Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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