She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
