Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
