how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
