Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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