I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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