I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
