I accidentally burped into my bong.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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