I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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