i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
