Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
