He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
