Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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