i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
