Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
