i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize