Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
