my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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