Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
