I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
