I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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