his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
