i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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