I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
His hands were made for my vagina.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
