What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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