If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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